Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm really busy with my period
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