it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
