i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
