I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
