I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
