At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
