he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
