you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize