I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
