Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
