I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
