NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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