yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
