you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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