the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
