stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
