There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
