Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
