i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
