Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sober January is a disaster.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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