he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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