my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
