My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
