I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
