Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
