Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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