Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize