Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
