My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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