Jerry, you need to find god
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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