Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
