Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
