I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
