Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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