I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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