Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
