Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize