Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
