My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize