her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
