Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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