Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
