Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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