At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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