Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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