I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
