Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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