; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
