my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize