Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
