I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
