why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
