I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
