So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
