So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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