if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
