Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
