new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My life is pants optional.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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