My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
