I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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