She is in my trunk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
