I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize