His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
