if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
