You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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