Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
