I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
