Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
