i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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