i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm too high and old for this...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
