Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
