carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
