another moral hangover. fuck.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's always time for handjobs
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
