That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
