He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
