This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize