i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
