I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
